How do you get from place to place when you’re Joyce? Do you stay within the speed limit or speed just a little? Of course, you speed. Just a little. Sometimes you get a ‘fast driving’ ticket, but that’s okay. It allows for you to invite the cop to your party. And maybe the judge, too, if you decide to go to court. It’s all in a day’s work.
Speaking of work, a typical Joyceland job could include, but is not limited to: infomercial spokesperson for Bumpits, working as a bodyguard for Harvey, selling Bitsy’s Best #1 Fabulishous Toffee, or creating your own greeting card line. The bodyguard gig is the most fun because it involves a couple of friends and some celebrities. Here’s what it includes: your boss, Harvey + a few business meetings with Harvey’s celebrity clients + two friends to help you bodyguard = enormous adventure. And you get to fly on Harvey’s corporate jet and have a Joyce martini along the way. It’s a swell gig.
Some days can’t be as social as you’d like because you have to get your leg veins lasered. It really doesn’t hurt too much and you feel so much better after it’s done. The benefits are that you get to: feel just a little woozy, take a nap, and host a ‘Bye-Bye Veins Party’ from your bed. Pre-party preparation is minimal: you put on your new jammies and you buy 20 sundaes during Culver’s Customer Appreciation Week when they are only a dollar a piece. You store them in your freezer until party time. Then you invite 20 jammied friends to come over and tell you how pretty your new legs look. Of course you play Michael Jackson in the background.