Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | August 4, 2009

Let Her Eat Cake

“A great many things can be resolved with kindness, even more with laughter, but there are some things that just require cake.”  Leigh Standley

There are certain difficult situations in life that can only be resolved with cake—-Red Velvet Cake.  The color, the smooth texture, and the cream cheese frosting will cause any problem to melt away.  “It’s the Dolly Parton of cakes: a little bit tacky, but you love her,” said Angie Mosier, a food writer in Atlanta.  Joyceland friends:  when you love Red Velvet, she will love you back.  This we promise you. 

In Joyceland, here’s how you handle the BIG problems:

  • your cabana boy quits without giving 2 months notice:  3 pieces of Red Velvet Cake three times a day
  • your job is being eliminated:  2 pieces of Red Velvet Cake upon rising until a Joyceland manager begs your fabulousness to come work for her
  • you have to deal with an insurance claim and the customer service person doesn’t live in Joyceland:  4 pieces of Red Velvet Cake whenever the hell you want
  • your husband shrinks your loungewear in the dryer:  2 pieces of the Red Velvet every day until he buys you a new lounging outfit

Life can present us with little problems as well.  For little problems we offer:

the trendy and magnificent cupcake.  Here’s how the R.V. Cupcake can assist you:

  • the kids are cleaning your carpets with toothpaste and electric toothbrushes:  a Red Velvet Cupcake and cup of coffee eaten while locked in your bedroom makes everything right again
  • you are available and looking to meet Mr. Right:  sit in a Starbucks with an R.V. cupcake and a dog and watch what happens

Oops—let’s not forget—-here is one final benefit.  142 days ago, while attending a fundraiser with several Joyceland gal pals, we were served Red Velvet Cake.  The cake was the centerpiece of a gorgeously decorated table.  Next to the cake was a carving knife and after we ate lunch we were told to cut ourselves a piece of the Red Velvet.  Several naive women (non-Joyceland types) declined.  Silly, ignorant, foolish non-Joycelanders!  The rest of us licked our lips, fluffed our hair, freshened our lipstick, stuck our ta-ta’s out and decided what size piece we’d like.  Olivia began eating her cake first.  She started to purr like a kitten.  The purring grew a little louder and began to sound like a moan.  Her eyes rolled back into her head.  Ladies, this is what’s called ‘Orgasm by Red Velvet’.  And, of  course,  just like when Harry met Sally, the non-Joycelanders wanted what Liv was having, too!

Red Velvet:  Joyceland’s dirty little secret.



  1. No one knows Olivia’s real name….right?? I…I mean SHE doesn’t want anyone to know exactly how susceptible she is to orgasms while eating cake. It could start nasty rumors and I…I mean SHE is a member at SJV.

    Worried in Seattle

  2. Her true identity has been kept a super secret as she is one of our more fabulous Joyce Land ladies and will be featured now and again.

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