Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | September 5, 2009

Joyce to the rescue

Joyceland friends—here are the latest tallies:

  1. Team Katie Couric–1,234 votes
  2. Team Diane Sawyer–1,444 votes
  3. Team Joyce–1,449 votes

Joyce is not opposed to anchoring the nightly news and she feels that the industry could be improved with the use of her spicey edits (9/1 post).  We’ll see how this shakes out in the upcoming months.  Best of luck to Katie, Diane, and Joyce.

Joyce Patrol

Joyce has been very troubled this week by the Jaycee Dugard kidnapping story and we’re keeping Jaycee in our prayers.  What a horrible nightmare!  As you know, Jaycee was snatched on her way to school 18 years ago and has been living in her abductor’s backyard ever since.  Through the years police made periodic visits to the home, but never found anything suspicious.  How could this happen?  This has stumped even Joyce and caused her to call forth her inner Nancy Drew!  If we can’t count on the police, it’s Joyceland galpals to the rescue.  Let’s face it, the women of Joyceland are going to save this country.  Tonight, shortly after dusk we’re asking everyone to head outside and see for themselves what’s really going on in their neighbor’s backyard. 

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In order to prepare us for spywork, we turn to Nancy Drew’s Guide to Life.  Remember:

  • “Never sleuth on an empty stomach.”  The Hidden Staircase
  • “Carrying paper and colored pencils can allow you to sketch rough portraits of missing persons and suspects.”  The Mysterious Mannequin
  • “If you lose sight of a suspect amongst trees and foliage, try putting an ear to the ground to detect footsteps.”  The Clue in the Crumbling Wall
  • “Take careful note of distinct odors; they can prove to be valuable clues.”  The Secret in the Old Attic

So, after a hearty snack of White Castle microwavable ‘slyders’ . . .

. . . and double dipped malted milk balls . . . put on some comfy black stretch pants, a black turtleneck, and your favorite pair of sneakers.  A baseball cap would work well in order to give you a more boyish appearance.  Then grab your flashlight and head to your neighbor’s place.  Check out every nook and cranny.  Peek in the windows.  Follow your intuitions.  As Joyce has said many times, “You never really know who is living next door!”  

And here are a few more tips to keep you and your family out of harm’s way this holiday weekend:

  • “Spike heels come in handy when it is necessary to break glass.”  Nancy’s Mysterious Letter
  • “Flowers sent by secret admirers might be coated with poison.”  The Secret of the Golden Pavilion    (Be wary if a bouquet arrives signed, Love–Richard Gere)
  • “When pinned down by a large canine, instruct friends, family, even random passersby to direct a hose on the beast.”  The Mysterious Mannequin 
  • “When bound and gagged, you can still tap out HELP in Morse code to attract attention.” The Clue of the Tapping Heels    (Don’tcha love the way tap dance lessons pay off?)

Happy sleuthing!!


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