Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | September 12, 2009

Two very short little stories

Do you enjoy the genre of the short little story?  What’s not to enjoy?  They’re short and they’re stories!  Both qualities appeal to Joyce.  Today’s very short little stories are without endings.  This means they require your Joycely advice.   And so we present two favorites for your reading pleasure:  Bumpits for Bulldog and Stink Won’t Shower.   

Bumpits for Bulldog    

As you know, Bumpits are all the rage because they make your hair go from flat to fabulous . . . in seconds.  Joyce has always liked to wear her hair pOOfed.  She was born with a flat topped head and the hair pOOf has been important to increasing her popularity and social status within the community.  Flat headed people rarely have large social networks, but Bumpits has changed all of this.  Bumpits hides the flat top and makes the creation of the hair pOOf very easy. 

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Where do you buy Bumpits?

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THE Walgreens!  Water, milk, Bumpits, Reese’s Cups, Dots—-life is good!  THE Walgreens is where fun ladies go to see and be seen.  Are Bumpits for babies?

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No!  Are Bumpits for boys?  No and no!  We know that Jon Bon Jovi wears Bumpits . . .

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. . . but generally speaking, Bumpits are for flat headed women seeking to elevate their social status!  Then why does Bulldog want to wear Bumpits?  This has us concerned.  He doesn’t need the pOOf, he shouldn’t desire the pOOf, but desire it he does . . .

Stink Won’t Shower

What we want Bulldog to desire is ‘the taking of the shower.’  Little doggy’s priorities are all screwed up:  he wants to wear Bumpits and never take a shower.  When we invite him to shower on a Wednesday, for example, he always says, “I took a shower on Sunday.”  No matter what day it is–Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday—he has always showered on Sunday and that’s enough for him.  Now, we’re all about the idea of semi-clean in Joyceland, but stink is another matter.  Stink gets only one out of four stars.  We’ve told Bulldog that as you age, your parts begin to stink.  It’s as simple as that.  We can’t account for it.  We can’t explain it.  We don’t understand it.  We don’t like it.  But it is what it is.  Older age = parts begin to stink.  So, we tell Bulldog that if we do the sniff test and ‘stink’ is what we smell, it’s off to the showers for him!  If we do the sniff test and smell bubble gum and cotton candy, perhaps the shower can be delayed until tomorrow . . .

Joyceland friends–will you help us write happy endings to these stories?



  1. Dear Joyce,

    Regarding Bulldog’s stink (I call it stench once puberty strikes), one word: AXE. Take him with you to the store, have him pick out the body wash, the shampoo, and the antiperspirant/deodorant. The antiperspirant is only 15% whatever, so it’s very gentle for the young’uns; not strong enough for those of stench status. In the shower, it may smell strong, but once the lad is clothed, and feeling really cool, you won’t really notice the smell of the Axe. But, it gets them to wash, and better yet, WANT to wash!

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