Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | September 23, 2009

Corn pads, whoopie cushions, antacids

What can’t you get at The Walgreens?  They can meet Joyce’s every need.  We wanted an evening out, plus we felt like getting dolled up.  Bingo–Walgreens run!  The manager there, a tall lanky guy, thinks we’re semi-dating even though we’re happily married to Spike.  We’re in Walgreens at least twice a week–why not semi-date the manager?  That way you get extra coupons and tips on all the specials.  You never kiss and he’ll never meet your mother, but it seems to work as a little hobby and Spike doesn’t really mind since it’s product research based.

Our most recent visit to Walgreens, however, was a little disappointing.  We went in search of corn pad cushions . . .

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. . . and they were all sold out.  Sold out of corn pad cushions?  Dr. Scholl hasn’t been working very hard, has he?  Anytime something is sold out at Walgreens we ask to speak with the manager.  (That’s how the semi-dating began.) 

Anyway, while we were searching high and low for corn pad cushions a little Naughty one aisle over was having fun with a whoopie cushion.  His mom was concentrating on selecting an item for purchase and was paying no attention at all to Naughty.  The whoopie cushion worked–it was loud and clear–fffffffffffffffttttt–and then we’d hear–giggle, giggle, giggle.  Again and again–fffffffffttttttttttt–giggle, giggle!  And at the same time a very serious announcement came over the speaker, “Assistance needed in antacids.”  Let’s put it all together:  loud fart sounds, no corn pads, and assistance needed in antacids.  This was not turning out as we had expected.

With no corn pads in sight, the only other thing we needed to buy was a box of toothpicks for Spike’s card party.  (When his card playing friends come over all they eat is sausage, cheese, Little Smokies, Doritos, M&M’s, and cookies—pure Joyce).  As we waited in line to pay for the toothpicks, the announcement came on a second time–only this time it sounded more urgent, “Assistance needed in antacids.” 


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And then we heard it for a third time, “S.O.S. in antacids.”  Geez, could a Walgreen’s professional get over to antacids and offer a little assistance?  Is it too much to ask?  We were ready to run over there just to look at the person who needed so much help . . .

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. . . but instead, we left with our little box of toothpicks and continued our quest for corn pad cushions.  We arrived back home nearly four hours later after having bought 150 packs of corn pads (we may give them out for Halloween), three whoopie cushions (can always be used at a future party), and a bottle of Pepto Bismol.


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