Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | October 6, 2009

Assman, Instant Starbucks and Brett Favre

“Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.”   –Lord Byron

Jukey, a Joyceland founding sister, reminded us that Joyce has always found it advantageous to be on a first name basis with all of her legion of medical providers, including Dr. AssMan. This makes it possible for her to receive mini medical diagnoses, even at cocktail parties.  For as long as Joyce can remember she has been interested in befriending medical personnel so that she can learn more about symptoms, treatments, and doctor secrets.  Psychological evaluation has indicated that Joyce may suffer from a slight case of hypochondria and this may be the reason she finds medical providers so appealing.  Our friend Lynn wanted Joyce to meet two of her favorite doctors, Dr. Bob Ball (urology) and Dr. Harry Beaver (OB/Gyn).  Joyce is adding both men to her list of future friends who can provide her with strategies for dealing with a wide range of symptoms.   

Carolyn has put on her hiking boots, dusted off her walking stick, and filled her water bottle as she prepares to climb Mount Laundry . . .

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. . . it’s one of the highest peaks in the country–including socks and underwear from the past two months.  (A smart Joycerino has at least 60 pairs of underwear and socks for every family member.  That way the washer doesn’t ever get over stressed.)  When laundry reaches mountain peak status, she simply caffeinates herself properly in order to tackle the job.  Which brings us to Starbucks.  ConnieJoyce can’t believe that Starbucks is selling instant coffee.  We’re not talking Folgers here–we’re talking Starbucks—and some things are just sacred.  We like paying four dollars for a venti half soy half skinny two pump no whip mocha.  We like feeling popular and smarty-pantsish when we announce our Starbucks order to the barista.  We enjoy sneaking a peek around Starbucks mid-order to see who may be listening and thinking, “Wow, they really know what they want.”  But instant coffee at Starbucks?  It’s sacrilege.

Joyce had to take her own personal ‘time out’ during the Packer/Brett Favre in purple game last night.  She took an extra blood pressure pill prior to game time so that she could curse a blue streak, jump around, and holler at the team but avoid calling Doctors Assman, Cracker, Ball, or Beaver with any symptoms or concerns.


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