We’ve been busy preparing ourselves to meet Di’s butler. We’ve done Pilates for the past 24 hours. We had our teeth cleaned and have been applying whitening strips for four days. We had our roots touched up and bought fake eyelashes. We shoved some chicken cutlets in our bra and we hate to brag, but they make us look good. We practiced our curtsy and we even read the butler’s book–A Royal Duty. Bring us Di’s butler–we’re ready for ‘im.
This was something fun in our inbox today–the Vanity Fair Proust Questionnaire! It’s interactive and tells you which luminaries you’re most like. Thank you VF! Joyce gave her most heartfelt and thoughtful answers:
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Meeting friends for lunch–every day.
2. What is your greatest fear? Dying in an airplane crash sends chills down my spine that even The AssMan can’t cure.
3. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Anyone with a royal title. Some days I identify with the Queen’s handmaiden.
4. Which living person do you most admire? Tiger Woods.
5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Lack of discipline.
6. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Dishonesty.
7. What is your greatest extravagance? All kinds of jewels, fine and otherwise.
8. On what occasion do you lie? To avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
9. What do you dislike most about your appearance? Any wrinkle.
10. When and where were you happiest? Back in the day when I was young and fabulous.
11. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? To enjoy five servings of fruit and vegetable each day.
12. If you could change one thing about your family what would it be? That they all live in the same city.
13. What do you consider your greatest achievement? My children–the fruit of my fine loins.
14. If you died what person or thing would you like to come back as? An heiress.
15. What is your most treasured possession? I already answered this–Proust you repeat yourself.
16. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? To go one day without an invitation somewhere.
17. Who are your heroes in real life? I do not have heroes. Most athletes, politicians and famous people live immoral and dishonest lives.
18. What is it you most dislike? Cleaning a bathroom.
19. How would you like to die? Without pain after having attended a fabulous party.
20. What is your motto? Always look forward, never backward.
And who are Joyce’s answers most like? Joan Collins, 93.98%; Martin Scorsese 83.25%; Nora Ephron, 70.47%; Conan O’Brien 43.91%. (Joyce’s response: I hate Conan O’Brien.) This got us thinking: who LIKES Conan? We can’t think of anyone.
Take the V.F. Proust Questionnaire yourself and find out which of the 101 rich and famous you’re most like: