Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | October 9, 2009

Hullo Beauty!

Well, hullo beautiful Joycerino.  We’re here to spread a little love and fun around town.  And to help you feel gorgeous and wonderful.  You are, you know.  We love ya to bits!  P.S.  But if you’ve never loved Princess Diana or anything royal, you have our deepest sympathies.  That’s what Joyce has ALWAYS said.  And she means it.  And you can’t argue with a woman wearing compression hosiery after leg laser surgery.  You can try, but you can’t argue with her. 

What’s fun?  What’s new?  What’s the latest?  What’s making you laugh these days?  Anything?  Been to any fun parties?  Well, then, why not host one?  C’mon–it’s dark by 5 p.m.–if you don’t have a little party to look forward to, what else have you got in this life?  Clean out your closet and host a ‘Bitch & Swap.’  Everyone brings a few things they don’t want anymore and you get to shop your way through the pile of stuff.  Then you can relax and get off your chest whatever needs getting off!  Admit it–it’s a great idea . . . 

Our landline has been D-E-A-D.  Simply dead.  It died.  It was looking pale for a long while, then it coughed a few times and now it’s dead as a doorknob.  Gone.  We will be holding a funeral for it.  No one calls the poor lonely landline anymore so we’re ready to run Petula Clark singing Call Me again (8.25 post).  Petula’s words inspire us.  Maybe we need to take ourselves downtown?  Even if no one calls, we can always go DOWNTOWN. 

Such a day we had yesterday.  SUCH A DAY.  Crap weather.  Rain.  Gray.  Here was the really bad part:  someone hit our two week old brand new baby car.  Ouch!  Only 300 miles on it and it’s already hurt.  We were parked and everything–not moving at all–our engine turned OFF–not bothering anyone.  We were just sitting there.  Let’s just say the other lady turned right a little too soon.  She was in a hurry–not thinking–focused on her troubles–tension surrounded her.  Haste makes waste, as they say.  Boy, does she need Joyce.  She didn’t speak English, though, and we aren’t translated into different languages yet. 

On second thought, maybe we shouldn’t get our new car repaired, but we’ll  just add a topper to it . . .

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 . . . this could be a delicious way to get around . . . muffin parties everyday . . . think of all the new friends we’d make.

We admired a bee-YOU-tiful toilet papering job yesterday.  It was magnificent!  It was like a winter wonderland times ten!  Rolls of white paper swaying in the breeze all over the place.  We thought to ourselves, “Man, are THEY popular.  We’d better get to know THEM.” 

We are headed for sunnier spots today:

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We can’t wait to relax:

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We’ll be gone a few days and will probably not call or write during that time.  So, we’ll miss ya bunches.  And we love ya lots.  And we really like you, too, just the way you are.  Even with a ring around the old toilet bowl.

Bonus Joyce Points:  Your assignment while we’re gone is to keep ignoring the toilet bowl, but look in the mirror and say, “Hullo beauty.”  For maximum benefit, do this frequently.

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