Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | November 18, 2009

quick showers, comfy clothes, and sfs

Joyce is always ready to answer your most heartfelt questions about living the Joyce lifestyle.  We pulled this interesting predicament from the mailbag today–letter #1:

Dear Joyce:  I, too, free my toes from the confines of polish post summer and my private parts from panties at bedtime. (When I shared this piece of private info with my 15-year-old daughter, she made a,”Wow, that’s gross” face.  That’s when I KNEW it was a good idea). Yet, now I am conflicted.  Here is my dilemma:  since I am not a morning person and love saving time when rushed in the morning, should I wear panties at nite with a baby wipe tucked into the wide cotton crotch in order to omit the morning shower occasionally? Please advise.  Lots of luv . . . . . That Sweet Kitten, Liv

Dear Sweet Kitten:  Morning people be damned.  Joyce is not a morning person and neither are we.  Secretly, we despise morning people.  Leisure upon waking is the best way to keep your ticker a tick tocking.  However, we understand that there are occasions when one has to rise and run.  (It happened to us this morning for Bulldog’s obscenely early end o’ first quarter conference with the teacher.)  Here is what advise:  upon your nightstand you will set a fresh pair of unders along with a container of baby wipes.  Your privates will air out during a night of sweet slumber and revive themselves for a brand new day.  Your alarm will go off, you’ll sit up, take a baby wipe shower, put on your panty a go-go’s and you’ll be off like a ruptured duck.  (Joyce adores the ruptured duck reference which, interestingly enough, originated during World War II.)  We hope this advice helps you remain free and unencumbered while getting your beauty rest, but keeps you ready for early parties or the occasional a.m. rush.

And letter #2:

Dear Joyce:  Have you ever heard of taking a Febreze shower?   We think it’s the perfect companion for a positively refreshing person (like you). That’s because the fine mist of Febreze Fabric Refresher eliminates odors from fabric, air, and you, for freshness that fills your home.  Luv, The Kittens at Fabulous Febreze . . .

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Dear Febreze Kittens:  We applaud your creative Joyce-like thinking.  Kiss/hug.  However, we’re a little concerned about possible private part infection since your product is made for household items and not people, cats, dogs, ferrets, or mice.  Our loyalties remain with baby wipes. 

(Joyceland ladies:  we hope these ‘shower on the run’ tips over the past few days have been most helpful to you.  Please continue to share your questions and concerns.  We’re here to serve you.)

And in the media:  Recently, Ms. O. Winfrey did a show encouraging us to spice up our handbags and footwear.  Oh sugars, we could not relate.  You know we’re just getting over our DKNY cozy debacle.  Beauty makeovers are fine, but, of course a person is going to look better if you take them out of their gym shoes and dirty sweat suit and put them in spike heeled boots with a Posh Spice hairdo.  Is this brain surgery?  Who can walk around in boots like this? 

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Honestly, Oprah, is this how we’re supposed to grocery shop?  We could wear these boots at the grocery store if we’re riding in a motorized scooter, but not if we’re walking.

Question of the Day:  Have you ever experienced selective fatigue syndrome (SFS)?  The Urban Dictionary defines SFS as ‘the feeling you get when you don’t want to perform certain undesirable tasks.’  Lately, we seem to be having SFS related to folding laundry.  We wash and dry the laundry with a glad heart, but then it just seems to lay there on the floor in an extremely large pile.  It’s fun to jump into, but not to fold . . .

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We’re blaming our feelings on a recent bout with SFS.  We’ve called the doctor and have made an appointment.  We’ll let you know what she recommends.




  1. Those are too funny!! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting.

    My maiden name is Schmidt!!

  2. HA! These are awesome and just gave this NOT a morning person, not everevereverever some good ideas. I had already reduced my getting ready time to 10mins or less but minus a shower? Awesome!
    Do you recommend baby powder for the greasy hair?
    I have a 15yr old too! (why does it take them HOURS to put their hair in ponytail?)

    Loved the post, had me cracking up. So glad you were the comment before mine. 🙂

  3. I agree with you on the shoe thing. There is a such thing as reality.

    Stopping by via SITS to say Hello.

  4. Your entire post is lol funny. Great way to start the day!! I did have a little flare-up of anger when the phrase, ‘motorized scooter’ appeared. I have an abnormal anger toward people who park in the handicapped spot (is handicap still a word??), walk gingerly into the store, then plop down on a motorized scooter and proceed to terrorize us on foot. Many a time I have had to hop out of the way of a reversing motorized scooter in the aisles of Walmart. Many of those people don’t look behind them while reversing nor do they even know how to drive the scooter. Consequently, as I am saving money at Walmart, my head is constantly on a swivel. Maybe during the holiday season, I can learn to be more compassionate….yeh, that’s the ticket. Thank you for allowing me to vent; I am going to run to Walmart and test out my new found compassion.

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