Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | November 20, 2009

a little chippendale for your turkey

Selective fatigue syndrome updates:  Stillpoint Sherrie procrastinated with the laundry for so long that the kids were late for the bus.  KathyJoyce has these sock rules:  Clean?  Usually.  Matching?  Most of the time.  MelissaJoyce buys a new pack of 12 socks every two weeks which solves most of life’s problems.  And JanetJoyce wonders aloud, “Socks?  Who wears socks?”   

Have you heard of the accidental housewife?  We think we like her.  She’s written a few books, of course:

                                     The Ultimate Accidental Housewife by Julie Edelman: Book Cover

We can relate to her.  She didn’t purposely pick all the chores that come with living in an apartment, condo, or house and/or having a significant other, pet/pets, or kid . . . she came by all of it accidentally–just like most of us.  Truth be told, who in their right mind wants to do anything domestic?  The accidental housewife’s goal:  to do just enough to keep the health inspectors away.  Here are some of her tips:

  • a can of coca cola will clean your toilet better than anything else (li’l bit scary!)
  • put a ‘Do not disturb’ sign on your oven and use your microwave instead
  • The Dirty Martini is your ‘end of day’ sanity saver:  2 ounces vodka or gin/½ ounce dry vermouth/splash of dirt-(that’s olive juice from the olive jar not from your floor!)
    3 queen sized olives/shaker filled with ice/chilled martini glass.  Combine vodka or gin, vermouth and olive juice in shaker and shake. Pour into chilled martini glass and garnish with olives.

Jukey B., Joyce’s soul sister, commends Joyce for having her priorities straight–which means less time in the kitchen and more time at choir practice.  Jukey recommends that we all make time for holiday sing-a-longs, especially at this time of year.  Never waste your precious energy to stuff the turkey–just plop it into the pan and quickly get your sorry ass into your favorite holiday outfit.  Liv plans on taking a tambourine to her Thanksgiving celebration.  She hopes it will shake things up a bit.  Sheila plans to wear her newest wig while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.  Joyce hopes to stay in her lounge wear until at least 5 p.m.  She’s planning on a very small gathering of family members for Turkey Day and really won’t even need to get dressed!  It’s magnifico!

How else can we keep our sanity during December’s flurry of frenzied gift giving and party hopping?  DebbieJoyce from the McClitchy-Tribune has some ideas:

  • Don’t go to the grocery store unless there is absolutely nothing to eat in the house.  The beauty of this is that your peeps will start to eat things in the pantry that have been there for years–saving you time spent disposing of expired items at a later date.
  • Throw anything that needs to go in the basement down the stairs.  Don’t put any of it away until you can no longer walk down the stairs. 
  • Get a laundry chute.   A laundry chute is like an Alice in Wonderland door and you’ve gotta get one.  All the laundry goes quickly down the black hole and, if you’re lucky enough, you may never find it again.  We’d like to add this part:  Call Handyguys Chip and Dale if you need a laundry chute installed.  Ask them to extend your chute to your next door neighbor’s laundry room.  And make sure your Handyguys have the right look:

                              View Image

It’s all about the look, isn’t it?  What are your ideas for having a very Joyce holiday season?  xo



  1. I don’t remember Disney’s Chip & Dale looking like that! Good advice for keeping my sanity this holiday season. Cheers SITSta!

  2. Hello , it is Thanksgiving Day! I’m enjoying my extra day off, and I am planning to doing something fun that’ll probably involve a bike ride and seeing something new in Bethlehem I haven’t seen yet.
    You write new post at Thanksgiving?

  3. I am frequently searching for brandnew informations in the net about this theme. Thankz!!

  4. hola que tal solo quisiera saber cuanto cobran

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