For the entire month of December: YOU ARE SUPER FUN AND DON’T FORGET IT. Just because you’ve got to run to Target every now and then to stock up on toilet paper doesn’t mean you aren’t THE BOMB. Just because you don’t have a doorman to greet you when you get home at night doesn’t mean you aren’t the HOTTEST THING thing this side of Kiel, Wisconsin! And just because you are number 27 at the deli counter when they’re only on number 2 doesn’t mean you aren’t the SEXIEST HOTTIE around. Believe it. Joyce knows. This is the month to sparkle, and sparkle you must. And sparkle, you will. It comes naturally to you. You flash your gorgeous smile and show a little shoulder to the bagger at Pick ‘n Save . . . well, it can’t get any better than that.
Will you join Joyce’s Pink Flamingo Club?
When you drive through neighborhoods and you see one pink flamingo tastefully placed in a front yard or peeking out at you from a condo window, don’t you immediately think, “Now THAT’s where someone FUN lives? I’d like to know her better.” Well, of course you do. Joining Joyce’s Pink Flamingo Club is easy—just place le flamingo somewhere on your property and watch the good times begin to roll your way. Joyce guar-an-damn-tees it. Boring types may find the pink flamingo lawn decoration to look a tad hmmmm, but not the fun girls. Fun girls love pink and flamingo. Plus, the flamingo really stands out in a snowstorm when friends are trying to find your party house.
StellaJoyce has announced that the green tea and cucumber Huggies in her town are sold out. She went to twelve stores. It seems there’s been a run on Huggies ever since Joyce and The Broads advocated their use for the very ingenious ‘baby wipe clean.’ Apparently all the pretty ladies are now baby wipe showering instead of shower stall showering and that’s left nothing for the sixth month olds who are stinking to high heaven without their wipes. Poor little stanky toddler Joyces! StellaJoyce raves about the green tea and cucumber scent–and their antioxidant benefits. And if you haven’t eaten your veggies in a while, the cucumber baby wipe action counts. Yes, it does.
MarshaJoyce confesses that she’s carved out a sad niche for herself. (Before we talk about said niche–we need to say–BTW–that Marsha thinks she is the REAL Marsha Brady. We’re afraid to share the truth with her. Marsha Brady was the most popular and fun Brady, after all.
So if our Marsha wants to think she’s the real Marsha Brady, we’ll play along. And maybe, quite honestly, we like her a little bit more for pretending to be Marsha Brady.) Anyway, here’s MarshaJoyce’s confession: “It’s a sad niche you’ve carved out in life when you wake up, actually apply shampoo and put on real clothes lending all those who know you to be strangely intrigued and suspect of your appearance. Marsha, you are teetering on a nomination to our Joyceland Hall of Fame for this precious disclosure.
Think fun. Be fun. Sparkle. Baby wipe shower the whole month away. Be Marsha Brady if you want. And when you’re out shopping, don’t forget to buy yourself a little ‘to me/from me/with love–but don’t take the cookie.’