Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | December 10, 2009

we idolize ferris bueller, but don’t make us go to the dentist

So, are you enjoying the new snowfall in Joyceland?  Oh, fabulous ones, everything we do in Joyceland is just for you in the spirit of a little pleasure and fun!!  Take a moment to pause and relish the splendor of the flakes coming down as you sit at your computer . . . so calming . . . so festive . . . so beautiful because they don’t have to be shoveled.  There, now, don’t you feel more relaxed and Joyce?  Our Joyceland snowflakes are available until January 4 and we’re taking full advantage of them.  We need all the help we can get.  You try writing this damn blog, shopping, and enjoying the party circuit all at the same time.  We’re looking for help from potential guest bloggers . . . anyone, anyone?  Ferris Bueller, are you out there??  (Nobody is more of a Joyceman than Ferris Bueller!  That’s right, nobody.)

Here’s another new update–you can now subscribe to Joyceland!  Is this the answer to your prayers, hopes, and dreams?  We thought so.  And here is the bargain and best part:  IT’S FREE!  Only for you–our dear, fun, outrageous beauties!  Let your eye travel for a moment to the right . . . and you’ll find the subscription possibilities . . . RSS feed . . . or e-mail . . . this is no cheap operation we’ve got going on here.  It only took us four months, 267 hours, and lots of martinis to figure out how to make this newest technology available to you.  We’re Joyce, after all, not a covert IT operation.  So, there you have it.  Think about your gift list . . . and who you want to give a little something special to this year . . . consider your budget carefully!  What’s the perfect free gift for everyone on your Christmas list?  A subscription to Joyce.  What could give more pleasure?  What will remind friends that you’re thinking of them e-v-e-r-y  other day?  And for God’s sake, please get ’em signed up fast before the bad economy shuts us down.  Oh, say it won’t be so . . .

We’ve had a phenomenal 24 hours which included two parties and a root canal.  We sandwiched the root canal in between the parties which made it more tolerable.  We’re quite fond of saying, “A root canal is more painful than giving birth” and if people ‘get’ our joke we know they are super-duper sharp and not just another pretty face . . . because we’ve never given birth.  We must’ve been too posh to push and as a result we adopted Bulldog from the land of Guat (emala).

Anyway, back to the root canal!  What a pain in Joyce’s ass!  Dr. G. O. shoved all sorts of silver utensils in our mouth and then covered it all with a nice little tent.  There we reclined, mouth WIDE OPEN, drooling, wearing no lipstick, pale from the pain, and loving Dr. G. O. more and more as the minutes tick tocked because he was making our toothache go away . . . 

We had to have an X-ray mid root canal and G. O. quickly strapped that big lead apron over us and shouted, “Everybody scatter!”  Then G. O. and his assistants ran for the hills.  We were left for dead, just laying there taking in all that radiation by our lonesome selves while the entire staff waited in the parking lot until the coast was clear.  Really builds your confidence in the dental program, doesn’t it?  And who can hold their mouth open that long?  Wait a minute–don’t answer that one.  This is a PG-13 program.

Party #1 was hosted by CathyjeanJoyce who confessed to pulling a Kelly Ripa that morning and did the fluff, spray, tease, hairspray vs. the full hair wash.  This confession completely endeared her to us.  You know, this is what we’re talking about:  do you sit in your bathroom and bore yourself to tears by washing your hair or do you just quickly get yourself to the party?  Deep in your heart you know the answer.  CathyjeanJoyce’s lower level is carpeted in complete leopard print.  Imagine it in your mind and start purring!!!  That rug made us feel completely at home, wild, and adventurous.  That rug made our day, sore tooth and all.  RRRRrrrrrrr . . .  

Additional parties will be analyzed and discussed next visit.  But what about you—do share some of your fun holiday party stories!!  Joyce wants to see all and know all.

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