Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | December 20, 2009

spongebob gets bossy

We’re taking a break from shopping today because we almost got beat up by Anger Lady who was in a hurry yesterday.  We were standing first in line to pay while patiently waiting for the sales person to yell, “I can take the next person in line.”  Suddenly, Anger Lady moved in front of us and mumbled, “I’m in a big hurry and I’m going next.  You can wait.”  What the hell?  What just happened to us?  We were really, really tempted to exchange WORDS with her, but thought better of it because she was shaped like a super sized Spongebob Squarepants and we didn’t know if we could compete . . .

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These are the types of situations that make live, local, and late breaking news around this time of year:  JOYCEE SHOT IN STORE LINE BY ANGRY SQUARE LADY.  So . . . instead, we zipped our lips, but burrowed our eyes into her back and sent her evil thoughts about her squarepants-ishness.  After THE INCIDENT when we got to our car, we saw Anger Lady enjoying a ciggie in the parking lot with her two super sized square boyfriends.  Didn’t look like they were in a big hurry to us. 

And what’s up with sales people shouting, “I can take the next person in line” while they look near the back of the line.  They never look at the first person in line who’s actually next, they always look near the middle or back of the line while shouting their check out announcement.  It’s totally irritating. 

Liv likes to do a fun little gifty thing at this time of year:  she wraps herself up like a present and pays surprise visits to several friends.  She rings your doorbell and then stands there wearing bows, festive clothes, and a little wrapping paper while shouting, “I’m your gift.”  Then she invites herself in for a half hour to enjoy a cup of coffee or glass of wine and then she’s off to her next ‘appointment.’  We love the glad tidings of great joy that she brings.

Stillpoint Sherrie hosted a holiday lunch the other day and greeted everyone wearing some serious Joycely ear bling . . .

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She was also wearing her infamous seasonal Santa sweater.  (Try saying that one fast ten times!)  All her guests enjoyed exercising their facial muscles–it was a serious facial workout for everyone involved . . . laughing . . . chit chat chitter chattering . . . smiling . . . eating/eating/eating . . . kiss, kiss, hug, hugging.  What a Joyceland way to kick off the final weekend before Christmas!  And what great exercise! 

We attended Bulldog’s Christmas concert the other night and it’s always a treat to see the little naughties showered, shaved, powdered, pedicured, and dressed fancy while singing their hearts out.  The naughties love when someone singing near them makes a musical mistake and then they can all laugh their nervous and naughty giggles.  When you look around the audience you see that the eyes of all the parents are a little glazed over.  Sometimes, while waiting patiently for your child, nephew, or grandchild’s turn to sing, it’s helpful to play the Joyceland child/animal matching game to pass the time.  Here’s what you do:  study every child throughout the performance and decide who their animal kingdom twin might be . . . monkey, tiger cub, chipmunk, giraffe, penguin, snake, bat, owl, coyote, skunk, armadillo, rabbit.  You get the idea.  Bulldog is for sure a monkey.  No question.

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Here are a couple of last-minute shopping reminders:  don’t take the cookie (12/2 post) and be sure to let sassy, super naughty shoppers step to the front of the line.  Your safety and happiness is our most important concern.  And keep sparkling.  At this point in December it’s really easy to lose your sparkle.  Don’t let it happen.  You are way too gorgeous to lose one little bit of your sparkle.



  1. Never zip your lip when the nasty “in-a-hurry shopper” butts in line or breathes heavy cuz you’re taking too long! A friendly, “Of course, go ahead! Happy holidays to you!” always gives the rest of the line a good little chuckle, and embarrasses the Linebuster a bit.

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