Lest you thought you had a busy Saturday and are in need of some Joycely motivation, here is how Olivia spent the day:
- She fed and watered all fifteen of the in-laws for a belated Christmas celebration.
- She returned her middle child to his college campus with a truckload of clean clothes and food.
- She cleaned and curled her youngest and deposited her at the winter dance.
And how did she recover from all this stress and strife?
- She enjoyed a pounder of bacon for breakfast. You are supposed to start the day with protein, aren’t you?
- She donned her loungewear by 6 p.m. and relaxed with two kinds of dip, a glass of wine, and a box of Fannie May candy.
And you should be doing the same! This Live Liv Update was brought to you by Mercolized Wax:
Ah, yes! Don’t we all love to wander happily down memory lane? Joyce was feeling very yesterday at a post holiday dinner shared with her partner in Joyceland crime, our beloved Jukie. It seems that a recent drive down 27th street in Milwaukee reminded Joyce of her glory days as an Alice in Dairyland Princess. Yes, indeed! Joyce wore a real tiara back in the day! And she wore the tiara and sash as she presided over the ribbon cutting ceremony at the spankin’ new Southgate Mall, back in 1956 . . .
In 1948 the first Alice in Dairyland was selected based on good looks. Apparently, a milky-white complexion gave visible evidence of the virtues of a diet rich in calcium. The early Alices talked mostly about cheese so a milky-white complexion was a royal prerequisite.
Jukie admitted (after working their way through an entire box of kleenex) that there was not a dry eye at the table while she, Joyce, and their lovers drank their way down memory lane. Could a ribbon cutting ceremony be just what the doctor ordered to relieve us from our gray sky slump? Just maybe.
Let’s all head over to our favorite hardware store, tiara in hand, sash streaming across our sagging boobies, and ask the management if they’ll let us cut a little ribbon out in front. Bring along your BFF, too, so she can play The Star-Spangled Banner on kazoo in the background. And say ba-bye to any unnecessary mid-winter blues . . .