Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | January 26, 2010

looking for work? wanted: the human bed warmer

Have you been humming Solid Potato Salad for the past 48 hours?  We said it was a catchy little tune, didn’t we?  It inspired NellyJoyce to begin a stretching routine.  And Dexie and Neimie were wondering what happened to the Ross sisters after such a fabulous body bending start to their career.  Well, this is a shot of the girls two years after their debut:

We think they’re still pretty cute in this photo, but after two years of fame and fortune and maybe one too many helpings of potato salad, the young sisters grew up and round.  Hollywood doesn’t like round.  By 1946 their not-so-teenage bodies couldn’t twist and turn anymore.  The youngest sister died at 34.  High cholesterol?  The other two made a few Ed Sullivan appearances and then enjoyed fleeting moments of domestic bliss.  So, it was fame, LOTS of potato salad, marriage, and kids for the Ross girls.  You’ve got to love a couple of sisters who said to hell with Hollywood and hello to potato salad!  Joyce has always loved a good potato salad and she isn’t ashamed to admit that she buys it from the deli and doctors it up.  She claims that the secret is in the doctoring. 

Speaking of doctors, Joyce enjoys watching The Dr. Oz Show.  She thinks he shares a tremendous amount of valuable information.  She doesn’t intend on practicing any of it, but she sure enjoys watching him and listening to his advice.  VickyJoyce thinks that Dr. Oz wears pale pink lipstick . . . 

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. . . and she might like to try his shade which gives just a touch of feminine color to the face. 

Do you like to climb into a cold bed or have your bed warmed?  Joyce has never minded cold sheets.  She’s a hot-blooded animal and likes to take the heat off with chilly threads.  In Britain, a few Holiday Inns are launching a brand new human bed warmer program.  Before climbing in, you can call down to guest services and a fully fleeced bed warmer will race up to your room, roll around in your sheets for a few minutes, and warm the bed up.  Holiday Inn has ensured Joyce that “the warmer would be fully dressed and leave the bed before the guest occupies it.”  Their hair would also be covered, but “they could not confirm if the warmer would shower first.”  Is this a good idea, a dream job come true for a select few, a convenient way to get lucky, or another marketing gimmick?  Although we love the idea of a warm bed, we can’t decide if an anonymous human snuggie getting under our covers is a good idea . . .

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We’re partial to the heated mattress pad.  You turn it on and then go boss around the people living with you.  You get them to do all the chores that you despise.  Moments later you return to a heated bed that feels like butter.  An electric blanket adds too much warmth on top, the heated mattress pad gives you just that little bit of cozy.  It’s like butta.  But betta. 

So here’s to warm beds, a decent job if you can find it, and solid potato salad . . . the gifts of a good life.



  1. Lice is all I can think of when it comes to human bed warmers. I’d rather take a heating pad along and stick it under the sheets for a minute.

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