Do you have willpower? If you answered with a firm YES, you’re no friend of Joyceland. Lately, I’ve experienced some real challenges with peanut butter and chocolate. For example, this has been the month of Scotcheroos. Do you know them intimately like I do? I have the recipe tattooed on my décolleté . . .
And because I’m small breasted the recipe helps give my cleavage a little lift: One cup each of sugar, corn syrup, and peanut butter. Heat these three friends in the micro until they are warm and creamy. The emphasis is on creamy. Add six cups of Rice Krispies. Mix together and push into a big ol’ pan (this counts as your exercise for the day). Melt together one cup each of chocolate chips and butterscotch chips. Frost the bars and chill until firm………………
Oh, such joy. Lord, what ecstasy! My latest problem with the Scotcheroo began a few weeks ago at Cafe 1505:
I was there enjoying lunch with twins Lilly and Lolly. We meet at Cafe 1505 because it’s halfway for everyone involved. We’re not too crazy about the food, but we lust after the Scotcheroo. And they’re on the menu at 1505.
Typically, after we finish our mediocre lunch, Lilly and Lolly like to relax with a cup of coffee and I enjoy a pretend cigarette. But all three of us share an affection for the Scotcheroo. We order six of them which comes to two each. Six, you’re wondering? I know it sounds like a lot, but they’re small. And delicious. They slide down easily. They’re Scotcheroo Sliders, after all.
Well, the last time we met, Lol was recovering from an upset stomach so she selected a bowl of soup. Lil and I chose salads. They were nothing special, but it didn’t matter because we were going to have Scotcheroos for dessert. After we finished our lunch we placed our order for six Scotcheroos. Our server, Snooty Sally had not been friendly at all up to this point and things were not about to change. Suddenly Sally snorted, “We’re out of Scotcheroos.” Good God, out of Scotcheroos? How is that possible? It was only 1 p.m. So we taunted and teased, “Out of Scotcheroos? Can’t you run back there and whip up a batch? It’s the only reason we came.” Snooty Sally wasn’t laughing at all and she ran off to get the manager.
Macho Manager Man came over to our table and purred, “Ladies, I’m so sorry about the Scotcheroos.” Lolly replied, “Well, we are, too. Scotcheroos give us a reason to live. I drove sixty miles for those bars.” Manager Man huffed, “Well, I was going to give each of you coupons for six Scotcheroos, but now I might change my mind.” The nerve! And then he added, “And there is a line of people over there waiting to get in!” Hmmmph!! Just who did these Cafe 1505 people think they were? We didn’t need them or their Scotcheroos. Sure we wanted them, but we didn’t need them. Lil was incensed. She’s a Martha Stewart in every way, shape, and form—she even keeps the ingredients for Scotcheroos in her trunk so she can whip a batch up on a moments notice.
We paid our bill and headed across the street to Panera. Everyone loves you at Panera. They don’t have Scotcheroos, but you feel some affection when you’re there. And ever since my Cafe 1505 self-esteem damaging experience, I’ve Scotcheroo-d myself into oblivion. Bulldog is beginning to think that Scotcheroos are one of the five main food groups. SOS. Mayday. Please.