Well, you’re not going to believe this one, but I’ve double hostessed myself. Yes, I hosted Dinner Club on the 27th and a mere two days later I find I’m on the schedule to host Book Club. How did I get into this overly hostessed situation? It’s simple . . . I forgot to turn the page in my calendar. I had committed to March 2 a long time ago, but February sat there all month looking like a virgin and I announced, “Why not host Dinner Club on the 27th?” I never thought about paging through the calendar and checking my commitments for early March. Now I have a brand new motto written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror: Don’t forget to turn the page in the calendar. And here I sit planning another menu. In the spirit of Book Club I say to you as Aibileen said in The Help (the book we’ll be discussing), “Law, have mercy on my poor soul.” When Joyce heard about my double hostess debacle she began praying for me with wailing and gnashing of teeth . . .
Joyce hasn’t hosted something in a few months so she’s been bragging up her talents. You know how that is? You think and talk big because you’ve forgotten about all the work that goes into putting on a party. And Joyce’s solution to every problem is sautéed asparagus.
Boy, those Dinner Clubbers eat a lot. Holy cats. I scanned the prepared food before the party began and warned Spike and Bulldog, “You boys will be enjoying leftovers all week.” Then the Clubbers arrived with their hearty appetites. If Aibileen had been invited she’d have said, “Law, them people sure can eat!”
I sometimes think entertaining is a bit of a weight loss deal. After preparing party food all day long I get so sick of looking at it that by the time I sit down to eat, I just feel like pushing it around my plate. Yes, attitudes like these put the child in my Julia. I know I’m a frail entertainer, but I’ve got Joyce running through my veins. I’m much more talented at getting a massage than hosting a dinner party . . .
The good news in all of this is that I received an e-mail from Lizabeth. LizabethJoyce. We used to teach high school together and Liz is FUN. As a matter of fact, when I’d been hired at RHS the principal told me that if she could have any employee as a roomie, she’d pick Liz. This principal was a pretty woman with the initials MAN. MAN thought Liz was big fun and she was right. I wish I had been more fun in those days, but MAN made me coach the debate team. Spending my free time listening to all that point/counterpoint b.s. drove me straight to a chocolate addiction.
In her e-mail, Liz told me that I need to consider new Joyce-ish ways for hosting Dinner Club. She suggested I convince the Clubbers to do it her way. Take, for example, Liz’s Chinese New Year Dinner. Liz pretends to clean, lights lots of candles, puts out some wine and a few olives and nuts, and then she has Mr. Liz drive to David Fong’s to pick up the food. How easy is that? Thank God there are people like LizJoyce who make sense in this crazy world. I’ve already checked the date for the Chinese New Year in 2011 and it is scheduled for February 3. I’ve got it written on my calendar. And in lipstick on my bathroom mirror.