Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | April 23, 2010

Oh, stop the fun!

Today let’s cover a few funnies from some inspiring ladies who adore living the Joyce lifestyle.  These funnies are uncensored and reflect the diversity of our changing times.  Rest assured that Joyceland is an equal opportunity storyteller.  May the following insights inspire you to live Joycely this weekend:

1.  Sheila admits that recently her family’s paths didn’t cross for an entire day between school, workouts, errands, and baseball practice.  So, at 9:30 p.m. her needy son shouted to her, “Ya know mom…..I have friends whose moms feed them everyday!”  (Joyce, in her wisdom, replies:  “When the children demand a daily meal it means they are expecting too much.  Do not give in to their ridiculous notions.”) 

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2.  Carolyn makes it a habit of dropping her kids at their various sporting events and then sleeping in the car for the duration of every game.  She keeps a pillow and blanket stowed away in her trunk so she can enjoy a nap while her precious angels show off their athletic abilities.  People have told Carolyn that her kids are pretty talented.  This makes her feel proud, but not proud enough to miss a good nap.  (Joyce purrs, “Carolyn, we worship your time management strategies.  Your multi-tasking abilities rival that of the most successful corporate CEO.”) 

3.  Jezebel confessed that as her husband was leaving for work yesterday, he raced back into the bedroom and starting shaking her while shouting, “Get up, Jezzie—you said you have a busy day:  working out, lunch with the girls, and packing for Florida.”  (Joyce replies, “This is my idea of a dream day.  Just a tiny bit of sweetly fragranced sweat, some girlfriend time, and jet-setting.  Keep up the good work, Jezebel.”)

4.  Vicky recommends saving time by doing everything she can to avoid the double shower.  Yup, the double shower is two showers in one 24 hour period.  Under no circumstances should anyone feel compelled to shower twice in one day.  This means you shouldn’t take a shower, pull weeds in the garden, and then shower again.  The double shower is a time waster and will dry you up like a prune.  (Joyce once looked up the meaning of double shower in her Joyce-ictionary and the word did not exist.  And remember what happened to that darling Marion Crane when she tried the double shower?)

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5.  Frenchie is fond of a new product called Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure:

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It provides all five steps of a salon manicure in one bottle.  How simple, yet groovy!  Frenchie even takes her favorite shade called Pedal to the Metal to Z Nail when she has an appointment for a pedicure.  The Vietnamese ladies who work on her toes love Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure and comment, “Dis brush beddy beddy big!  Beddy big!”  Apparently the Vietnamese girls like a big, big brush.  It’s the only thing they say in English.  The rest of the time they talk about Frenchie and giggle behind her back in Vietnamese.   (Joyce coos, “Base coat, strengthener, growth treatment, color, and top coat in one tiny bottle?  Send me all 42 salon-inspired shades.  I like a big, big brush, too.  And count me in on the Rosetta Stone learning lab.  Nobody’s gonna talk about me in a foreign tongue I can’t understand.”)

6.  This spot is reserved for a funny from you . . . what say you, you foxy Joycelander?

Joyceland does not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, creed, color, national origin, age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, or disability.  Turn to Joyce when you want fair and unbiased blogging.

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Responses

  1. Wow, perhaps I’m not that big of a slacker mom – makes me feel JOYceFUL!

  2. I too hate nothing more than the double shower. I avoided exercising for 50 years due to the conundrum of not being a morning person thus, the only time I could exercise was in the afternoon but that would put me in the double shower penalty box. As a solution, I now exercise on Monday morning, shower, then my exercise obligation is fulfilled for the week and I can shower any time of day for the rest of the week. Problem solved.


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