I, daughter of Joyce, recently dealt with a troubling domestic situation that threatened homeland security. I hate when that happens. Let me give you a little background on my latest challenge. Very often, the refrigerator in my house looks like this:
Clean and neat, isn’t it? Not much goin’ on in there? Actually, there are eggs, pickles, lettuce, orange juice, hummus, and baking soda to keep the place fr-e-e-e-e-e-sh smelling.
There are many advantages to having a lightly accessorized fridge. First of all, you don’t have to cook very often when the fridge is bare. I find there are many benefits to this scenario. Secondly, you don’t waste your precious time walking up and down the aisles of the grocery store. And your back doesn’t go out while lifting heavy food filled bags into your trunk. Third, there is definitely less waste. Definitely. I feel really good about not throwing away a lot of food when there are so many starving people in this world. I believe keeping a lightly filled refrigerator is the least I can do to help the planet. The least.
And the only people who have a problem with the way I stock the fridge are Spike and Bulldog. And when their tempers flare up, homeland security is threatened. Believe you me. Spike decided to sit me down and explain the reasons why we have a fridge. He called his presentation The Fridge for Dummies. It was a PowerPoint and everything. He told me that the refrigerator is not just another pretty tchotchke taking up space. He explained that it’s not a kitchen accessory. He said that when he comes home from work, he likes it if there is something to eat and the refrigerator can help with all that. I made good eye contact with Spike during his presentation and I nodded frequently so that he would think I understood. But I don’t. Really I don’t. Where does he get off thinking he knows all about refrigerators? Accountants think they know everything.
Homeland security was further threatened when Bulldog put his size two foot down and whined, “I’m huuuungry. And I’m tired of baking soda and pickle omelets. You put pickles with everything.” I’ll admit that even the African Dwarf frogs jumped a little after that exchange.
Bulldog wants to live in a house with a full fridge. I suggested to him that he’s caving to peer pressure and I won’t have any part of it. And I gave him a gentle reminder that I’m raising him to be an independent thinker.
Michelle Obama heard about my fridge situation and she gave me one of these looks:
Now that she’s growing vegetables in the White House garden and talking to everybody about nutrition, she really thinks she’s the cat’s pajamas. Well, I’m not going to be swayed by her popular ideas and opinions just because she’s the First Lady.
The Bobster recently reported that Joyce is considering remodeling her kitchen. I guess she’s looking at some clever drawings of telephone booths which would be the perfect place for her to call in a nightly restaurant reservation. Sounds like a great idea to me. What are your kitchen survival strategies?