Posted by: Lori Schmidt Lutze | June 8, 2010

Barack Obama: Butterfinger lady needs you

I was shopping at THE Walgreens the other night and minding my own business.  If you must know, I was in the sunscreen/wrinkle creme aisle examining the promises that various products were making to me.  Studying all those promises requires serious concentration and I was giving it my best effort.  Summer is around the corner and the talk shows are telling me I need sunscreen.  And there are 493 products to choose from.  Did you know that in four short weeks I could look like I’ve got a totally fresh and sunburn free face?  I could also have a 74% reduction in lines, 66% increase in smoothness, and 44% firmer jaw line?  I can say bye-bye to puffiness and blotches.  All for $14.99 plus tax.  Wow. 

As I said, I was minding my own business while comparing Olay and Oi-Vey when suddenly a lady walked into my personal space carrying a gallon of milk.  The lady looked at me and said, “That clerk tried to sell me a Butterfinger.  If I wanted a Butterfinger, I’d buy a Butterfinger.  I’m so damn sick of everybody trying to sell me something.”  I looked at her and said that I was sorry and then focused my attention back to the wrinkle creme promises.  She moved in closer and really started to vent.  “My car needs a $200 repair and I’ve been out of work for 10 months and the last thing I need is a Butterfinger.”  Holy Cats, Joycelanders, this was bad.  All I wanted was a wrinkle removing sunscreen, but instead I was having to counsel the Butterfinger lady.  

I told her that maybe she could call Barack Obama because he promised everybody a new day.  But she wasn’t buying Barack’s promises or the Butterfinger, she said.  I don’t know about Barack, but I’m a firm believer that a Butterfinger can help most situations.  She didn’t want to hear about it. 

I started to sweat and so did her gallon of milk.  Then she began criticizing her husband.  “Oh, he just sits around all day.  His mower needs a new part and he won’t take care of it.  He’s cheap, cheap, cheap.  But I don’t say a word, I just zip my lip.”  Then she made the zipper motion across her lip.  “Men,” she said, “they just sit around all day.  And these milk prices—-up, up, up.  They just keep going up.” 

I’m headed to the Twin Cities for a few days and I’ll admit I’m glad to be getting out-of-town.  I bought the lady a Hershey with Almonds and sent her on her way with a semi-smile.  Am I a magnet for people needing to escape to Joyceland or what?  Who do you think I’m going to meet in the airport?  Sit next to on the plane?  Stay tuned.  S-t-a-y   t-u-n-e-d! 

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  1. I’m all for a sense of community but I also believe in a sense of personal space! Eek!

    I used to think I had “talk to me” tattooed on my forehead in an ink everyone else but me could see. I’ve had folks pour out their life stories to me just because I didn’t scowl at them in the aisle at the market.

    Those folks? They need to blog… then they wouldn’t feel compelled to unload on strangers in the store, they could do it on the Internet where it’s proper 🙂

  2. Scraps, we should never go out together. You shouldn’t go out w/ Linda either. We attract ‘different’ people too. Recently, Linda and I met an older woman in the grocery store and she followed us thru the store telling us various stories and according to her, her dead sister-in-law was a gem; she on the other hand is a bitch. Then a few days later, we met a man who told us he had acquired a blind person’s white cane (in a bit of a suspicious manner) and when bored he grabs the cane and goes for a walk; just for yucks. If truth be told, we kinda liked both people. What does that say about us???

  3. It says you’re magnetic personality is turned up to 11, lol!

    And that you will never lack for stories to tell 🙂

  4. I think I need a butterfinger too! But I’ll tell you all about it next time you are shopping. Maybe the feminine products aisle. Lol.

    Enjoy your trip.

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