While we’re on vacation we’re running a few PPP’s (popular posts from the past):

Joyceland ladies–we are so lucky that today a trip to the gyno can be SUCH a pleasant and fun experience.  This wasn’t always the case.  In this 1822 drawing, the female patient is receiving what’s called a ‘compromise procedure.’  The doctor kneels in front of her, but cannot see her ‘parts.’  Seems to us that lots of ‘unneccessary fishing around’ had to occur during the compromise procedure.  We give this zero out of four stars.  Makes you think we’ve got it sooooo much better now, doesn’t it???

Do you still dread going to the gynee once a year even though today you need not make any comromises?  We’ll in Joyceland we’ve got an idea for you.  We read this little story in Robert Holden’s be happy and it delighted us to no end!  It was told by a woman who accidentally found a way to add some Joyceland sparkle to her life: 

‘Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to say my appointment with the gynecologist had been brought forward to 9:30 a.m. that day.  I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m.  The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I had no time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits.  But this time there was no time for a shower, so I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash ‘down there’ to make sure I was at least presentable.  I threw the washcloth in the laundry basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car, and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in.  Knowing the procedure well, I hopped up on the table, gazed up at the ceiling, and pretended I was some other place a million miles away from where I was.  I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” but I didn’t respond.  The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief, went home, and finished my day as usual.

After school, my six-year-old daughter, who was playing quietly by herself, went into the bathroom.  She called out, “Mom, where’s my washcloth?”  I told her to get another one from the cupboard.  She called back, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink.  It had all my glitter and sparkles in it.” 

Wanna spice up your next trip to the gynee?  How about adding in a little sparkle and glitter ‘down there’?  Just tell the doc you heard about it in Joyceland.

Here’s how you stay fit while waiting for the turkey’s ass to pop out.  Then eat to your heart’s content this Thanksgiving Day–Liv’s workout will keep you looking fab!  While we’re on vacation we’re running some PPP’s (popular posts from the past):

Finally a news leak worth listening to . . . just how does Michelle Obama stay so fit?  What are her secrets?  Surely every woman wants to know!  We found out this week that some of Michelle’s hot tips include:

• tricep pushdowns and hammer curls
• lunges, benchpresses, and hip raises
• jumping rope and kickboxing

WOW–that’s a lot of hard work!!  Here’s our Joyceland response to all the woo-hooing over Michelle’s O’s routine:  our own VIP, Liv, has a workout formula that is much more practical, doable, and fun.  Before Liv’s workout DVD comes out, let’s walk through some of the particulars of her very Joyce program . . .

Equipment needed:

• a basement
• an old t-shirt, shorts, and tennis shoes
• an exercise ball–if you dare! 

Remember, you only do the routine on Mondays which frees you up for lots of parties and other things during your six days of recovery.  And the nice thing about Mondays is that you GET IT OVER WITH! 

Begin with the aerobic portion:

• to warm up, run around the perimeter of your basement ten times
• run around the perimeter ten more times, but with this series you run around ’stuff’ as well (ping pong tables, couches, large storage boxes)
• make sure you tag or touch all walls on every lap–the wall touching helps you avoid cheating (Joyce loves to cheat a little so wall tagging is a must for her!)

Next you move to the Mary Poppins series which is very fun because you add in a little singing and dancing.  Using the lyrics from ‘Step in Time’ (which was originally sung by Bert and the Chimney Sweeps) you match your movements to the lyrics that you’re singing:

‘Kick your knees up, step in time, kick your knees up, step in time
Never need a reason, never need a rhyme
Kick your knees up, step in time!’

This can be followed with: 

‘Spin in place, step in time’     or     ‘Jump in place, step in time’     or     ‘Hands above your head, step in time’ . . . and you repeat the series until you feel very Mary Poppins, very happy, and just a little winded.

Finally, the concluding part–ab work–is for danger lovers only.  But life, in and of itself, is a little dangerous isn’t it?  Don’t let the danger part deter you!  Let’s face it, ab work can be risky!  Here’s what you can try: 

• Sit on the exercise ball.  Yup, that’s right–just sit there.  It’s a ball and it’s not stable–so your abs will get a great workout simply by trying to keep your ass on the ball.
• Lay on your side on the ball and do some side sit-ups.  Yes, it’s risky, but it’s fun to roll off and see where you land.  See how many times you roll off and land in the same spot and give yourself points for creative landings.    

Here’s how you look when you’re done—Hello Ann Margaret!!!

Liv, we give you a big Joyceland thanks for previewing your exercise DVD for us.  We can’t wait to buy a copy! 

Here’s our latest tip for a gorgeous Thanksgiving turkey from JeffJoyce:  add 1/4 cup popcorn kernels to the dressing and stuff the turkey.  Don’t bother setting a timer, you’ll know the bird is ready when his ass pops out.  JeffJoyce is all about parties, fun, friends, and entertaining and we thank him for sharing a bit of his cooking magic!  We’re on vacation so we’re running a few PPP’s (popular posts from the past).  Today’s PPP honors Jeff, a Joyceman through and through: 

 

Recently we’ve been hearing from many men who want to live the Joyce lifestyle.  When men first heard about Escape to Joyceland they thought they were escaping to this:

We told them that, no, this is Joyceland and not Victoria’s Secret.  And we also asked them if the secrets Victoria sells look like they’re comfortable at all?  They sheepishly agreed with us that they wouldn’t want to wear a thong that gets wedged between their fanny cheeks either and would we please consider their applications as JoyceMen.  Well, we’re considering it.  We reviewed with them the basic tenets of Joyceland:

• regular and big fun with friends
• comfort, relaxation, and loungewear
• owning a margarita machine
• leisure and laughter
• decorating a bathroom like a tropical rainforest
• parties, parties, parties
• semi-cooking and semi-cleaning on a semi-irregular basis (toilets never included)

Men must agree to all of the above in order to gain membership as a JoyceMan.  They also have to agree to experience manstration which is the male equivalent of menstruation.  We expose JoyceMen to this so that they have a greater appreciation of the feminine mystique.

Here are some of the things that our applicants have put on their JoyceMan applications:

1. Perry likes to ride his motorcycle, but he works long hours.  To bring a little Joyce to his life, he can be seen riding his motorcycle to work while wearing the obligatory navy blue suit that is required by the stuffed shirts at his job.
2. Micky loves to golf and he heads to a course once a week at 6 a.m. so that he can get 18 holes in before his first 9 a.m. appointment.  Those 18 holes are pure Joyce.
3. Eddy likes to have a good time.  He says that if his wife was missing for a day or two he wouldn’t worry about her because he’d have Joyceconfidence that she’d be out, as Eddy puts it, “Having one helluva good time.”
4. Wylo wants to write a bestseller about his JoyceMan lifestyle and says he’ll call it Zesting for Life.
5. Steve wears a kilt whenever possible.  He loves the Joycefreedom of a manskirt . . .

Are there other JoyceMen out there?  Please let us know how you live the Joyce lifestyle!  And ladies–should we let them in?

Selective fatigue syndrome updates:  Stillpoint Sherrie procrastinated with the laundry for so long that the kids were late for the bus.  KathyJoyce has these sock rules:  Clean?  Usually.  Matching?  Most of the time.  MelissaJoyce buys a new pack of 12 socks every two weeks which solves most of life’s problems.  And JanetJoyce wonders aloud, “Socks?  Who wears socks?”   

Have you heard of the accidental housewife?  We think we like her.  She’s written a few books, of course:

                                     

We can relate to her.  She didn’t purposely pick all the chores that come with living in an apartment, condo, or house and/or having a significant other, pet/pets, or kid . . . she came by all of it accidentally–just like most of us.  Truth be told, who in their right mind wants to do anything domestic?  The accidental housewife’s goal:  to do just enough to keep the health inspectors away.  Here are some of her tips:

• a can of coca cola will clean your toilet better than anything else (li’l bit scary!)
• put a ‘Do not disturb’ sign on your oven and use your microwave instead
• The Dirty Martini is your ‘end of day’ sanity saver:  2 ounces vodka or gin/½ ounce dry vermouth/splash of dirt-(that’s olive juice from the olive jar not from your floor!)
  3 queen sized olives/shaker filled with ice/chilled martini glass.  Combine vodka or gin, vermouth and olive juice in shaker and shake. Pour into chilled martini glass and garnish with olives.

Jukey B., Joyce’s soul sister, commends Joyce for having her priorities straight–which means less time in the kitchen and more time at choir practice.  Jukey recommends that we all make time for holiday sing-a-longs, especially at this time of year.  Never waste your precious energy to stuff the turkey–just plop it into the pan and quickly get your sorry ass into your favorite holiday outfit.  Liv plans on taking a tambourine to her Thanksgiving celebration.  She hopes it will shake things up a bit.  Sheila plans to wear her newest wig while watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.  Joyce hopes to stay in her lounge wear until at least 5 p.m.  She’s planning on a very small gathering of family members for Turkey Day and really won’t even need to get dressed!  It’s magnifico!

How else can we keep our sanity during December’s flurry of frenzied gift giving and party hopping?  DebbieJoyce from the McClitchy-Tribune has some ideas:

• Don’t go to the grocery store unless there is absolutely nothing to eat in the house.  The beauty of this is that your peeps will start to eat things in the pantry that have been there for years–saving you time spent disposing of expired items at a later date.
• Throw anything that needs to go in the basement down the stairs.  Don’t put any of it away until you can no longer walk down the stairs. 
• Get a laundry chute.   A laundry chute is like an Alice in Wonderland door and you’ve gotta get one.  All the laundry goes quickly down the black hole and, if you’re lucky enough, you may never find it again.  We’d like to add this part:  Call Handyguys Chip and Dale if you need a laundry chute installed.  Ask them to extend your chute to your next door neighbor’s laundry room.  And make sure your Handyguys have the right look:

                             

It’s all about the look, isn’t it?  What are your ideas for having a very Joyce holiday season?  xo

Joyce is always ready to answer your most heartfelt questions about living the Joyce lifestyle.  We pulled this interesting predicament from the mailbag today–letter #1:

Dear Joyce:  I, too, free my toes from the confines of polish post summer and my private parts from panties at bedtime. (When I shared this piece of private info with my 15-year-old daughter, she made a,”Wow, that’s gross” face.  That’s when I KNEW it was a good idea). Yet, now I am conflicted.  Here is my dilemma:  since I am not a morning person and love saving time when rushed in the morning, should I wear panties at nite with a baby wipe tucked into the wide cotton crotch in order to omit the morning shower occasionally? Please advise.  Lots of luv . . . . . That Sweet Kitten, Liv

Dear Sweet Kitten:  Morning people be damned.  Joyce is not a morning person and neither are we.  Secretly, we despise morning people.  Leisure upon waking is the best way to keep your ticker a tick tocking.  However, we understand that there are occasions when one has to rise and run.  (It happened to us this morning for Bulldog’s obscenely early end o’ first quarter conference with the teacher.)  Here is what advise:  upon your nightstand you will set a fresh pair of unders along with a container of baby wipes.  Your privates will air out during a night of sweet slumber and revive themselves for a brand new day.  Your alarm will go off, you’ll sit up, take a baby wipe shower, put on your panty a go-go’s and you’ll be off like a ruptured duck.  (Joyce adores the ruptured duck reference which, interestingly enough, originated during World War II.)  We hope this advice helps you remain free and unencumbered while getting your beauty rest, but keeps you ready for early parties or the occasional a.m. rush.

And letter #2:

Dear Joyce:  Have you ever heard of taking a Febreze shower?   We think it’s the perfect companion for a positively refreshing person (like you). That’s because the fine mist of Febreze Fabric Refresher eliminates odors from fabric, air, and you, for freshness that fills your home.  Luv, The Kittens at Fabulous Febreze . . .

Dear Febreze Kittens:  We applaud your creative Joyce-like thinking.  Kiss/hug.  However, we’re a little concerned about possible private part infection since your product is made for household items and not people, cats, dogs, ferrets, or mice.  Our loyalties remain with baby wipes. 

(Joyceland ladies:  we hope these ’shower on the run’ tips over the past few days have been most helpful to you.  Please continue to share your questions and concerns.  We’re here to serve you.)

And in the media:  Recently, Ms. O. Winfrey did a show encouraging us to spice up our handbags and footwear.  Oh sugars, we could not relate.  You know we’re just getting over our DKNY cozy debacle.  Beauty makeovers are fine, but, of course a person is going to look better if you take them out of their gym shoes and dirty sweat suit and put them in spike heeled boots with a Posh Spice hairdo.  Is this brain surgery?  Who can walk around in boots like this? 

Honestly, Oprah, is this how we’re supposed to grocery shop?  We could wear these boots at the grocery store if we’re riding in a motorized scooter, but not if we’re walking.

Question of the Day:  Have you ever experienced selective fatigue syndrome (SFS)?  The Urban Dictionary defines SFS as ‘the feeling you get when you don’t want to perform certain undesirable tasks.’  Lately, we seem to be having SFS related to folding laundry.  We wash and dry the laundry with a glad heart, but then it just seems to lay there on the floor in an extremely large pile.  It’s fun to jump into, but not to fold . . .

We’re blaming our feelings on a recent bout with SFS.  We’ve called the doctor and have made an appointment.  We’ll let you know what she recommends.

 

According to Wikipedia, a mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that are considered capable of “creating transformation.”  Joyceland is 100% committed to changing women’s lives one frivolous step at a time!  You have our guarantee on that.  Olivia’s new mantra or Joycestra is this: more is almost always better!  Here’s what she writes:  “Just think about it; one more cookie~almost always better, one more drink~almost always better, one more lap with the Walking Club~ almost always better, one more cup of coffee w/ a friend~always better.  See, this mindset is ALMOST ALWAYS BETTER and true!!”  Liv, we crown you this week’s Lady Liberty for freeing us from the bondage of less and not enough . . .

 And we commit to starting each day with a brief moment of silence . . .

.

 . . as we whisper our Joycestra, “More is almost always better.”  Let’s see what good and plenty this brings to those of us who live the Joyce lifestyle!  Let’s hope for more, more, and more of everything fun and delicious.  Especially with the holidays around the corner.  

Let’s move on to the all important subject of lipstick and personality.  At sissy-in-law’s birthday breakfast last week, we were shocked to see the range of lipstick tips among the ladies.  Joyce is a huge fan of lip color because of how it can brighten up a girl’s entire face:

 

 

Yes, Joyce loves lipstick and we love personality tests.  Put the two together and you’ve got a fabulous party idea where everyone reveals the tilt of their tip and thereby unlocks the deep, dark secrets of their personality.  Are you in???  We thought so.  For help with ‘reading lipstick’ we turn to Cynthia Christ, owner of Sensia Spa & Cosmetics.  Ms. Christ has linked eight lipstick shapes with eight personality types (#1 is the first on the left and #8 is the last on the right):   

 

 

#1/Slant, keeps close to original tip shape:  abides by the rules, great follower, doesn’t like too much attention, a little self-conscious, somewhat reserved, likes a schedule, may color hair in a way that attracts attention.

#2/Rounded tip to a point:  lovable, family oriented, a “doer,” can give orders easily, domestic, exaggerates sometimes, stubborn over little things, needs people around.

#3/Rounded, with a smooth tip:  easygoing, peacemaker, even-tempered, steady, likable, generous.

#4/Flat top:  to the point, high morals, needs approval, careful about appearances, very dependable, conservative, quick mind, loves challenges.

#5/Sharp-angled tip:  opinionated, high-spirited, dislikes schedules, selective of friends, outgoing, likes attention, argumentative.

#6/Flat top concave:  makes a great detective, makes friends easily, inquisitive, adventurous, a prober, complex, exciting.

#7/Sharp-angled, but curved tip:  creative, enthusiastic, talkative, loves attention, falls in love easily, helpful, needs schedule but dislikes one.

#8/Sharp angles both sides:  spiritual, curious, seeks attention, mysterious, big ego, faithful, looks for easy way, loves life.

Why read your horoscope when you can read your lipstick?  Remember that Ms. Christ says, ”Lipsticks don’t lie.”  Are you #3 or #7?  Host a ‘Read My Lipstick’ party and find out . . . and don’t forget about your inspiration for this week: more, more, more is almost always better! 

P.S.  EmJoyce has quit her day job and is available for cozy demonstrations.  Call her at 1-800-cozy4me.

To all the DKNY cozy fashionistas:  our cozy has been reluctantly returned to Mr. TJ Maxx.  We watched the instructional video on how to wear ‘le cozy’ an additional 14 times for a grand total of  57 viewings over a 24 hour period.  Each twist, turn, and tie of said cozy had us looking like Brutus from a ‘Dress like Julius Caesar’ costume party gone bad:

Et tu, Joycee??  EmJoyce–please give us your tips!  We’re trying our best to stay hip and trendy.  We are Joyce, after all.  (P.S.  Donna Karan says every woman’s best feature is her shoulders.  It’s kind of true, isn’t it?  Take a look at yours in the mirror right now . . . pretty nice, huh?  Shoulders.  Play ‘em up to the hilt.) 

And regarding the two Joyce’s joining a choir:  Olivia is having a love fest with Jukey who happily recalled Joyce 1’s magnificent ability to sing in dulcet tones . . . so melodious . . . and sweet to the ear.  Joyce 1 is a soprano, of course.  When the notes get really high, however, she just keeps her mouth shut.  It seems the choral director is ending his marriage which has created a little bit of back stage gossip.  However, both Joyces find that he has a marvelous sense of humor and they forgive him for any possible indiscretions.  He’d like the choir to sing more and talk less, so everyone is trying their best to comply.

Bulldog has been remembering to wear a fresh pair of underpants each day since we asked his teacher to review cleanliness basics on his weekly spelling list.  Here are his words for this week:  change, underpants, every, day, so, you, don’t, stink, girls, dislike, smelly, boys.

With the purchase of our new car (the one that’s already been hit, remember?) we received three months of free XM radio.  We’ve been enjoying listening to a Joycelicious show called Broadminded.  These are the broads: 

Are broads that cute?  Just wondering.  They are outrageous and irreverent which is right up Joyce’s alley.  Joyce loves a little dirty talk now and then and now.  The other day the broads talked about not having time to shower and being big fans of ’baby wipe clean.’  They love the baby wipe shower.  No time for a real shower?  Baby wipe clean is your ticket to feeling fresh.  And they were pleased with all the different scented baby wipes you can buy.  Their slogan is ‘Two Broads/Two Hours/One Helluva Good Time.  Where can we get a gig like that?  You, too, can enjoy a free trial of XM at:  http://broadmindedonline.com/ .   And we checked out Huggies Naturally Refreshing Baby Wipes–in cucumber and green tea–they claim you get bath-like freshness with every wipe.  We guess the broads know what they’re talking about.

Along with living panty free at night, do you rest your toes from nail polish overload?  We do.  To repeat, we believe airing out parts is important to good emotional and physical health.  After months and months of pedicures, we think it’s a good idea to let the toes go bare naked and rest a little.  What say you?  And how is the nighttime airing out going?  Do tell.  MareJoyce reports that she is committed to panties under her jammies.  We say—air it out—let it breathe, MareJoyce, let it breathe.  A little baby wipe bath upon waking is a nice touch, too, don’tcha think?  Quick and easy, it gets you off to the next party in no time at all.  Thanks, broads. 

And here’s a little something for your spirit from AlliJoyce via The Charmed Life Lady:

Just show up.  Anything can happen today.  Something amazing will happen today.  Just show up.  xo

Has everyone and their mothers been super busy trying to catch mice around their yards and homes?  Our heads are spinning from all the mouse stories.  BobbyJoyce set a trap to catch one of the dirty little suckers.  He put LOTS of Jif on the end of the trap to lure in the son of a bitch.  When BobbyJoyce returned to the trap the next day, Mouseketeer was dead as a doorknob and ALL the peanut butter was gone.  Nancy Drew, what does this mean?  It means that while Mouseketeer lay dead, his BFF or his Mrs. stopped by and ATE all the peanut butter . . . over his dead body.  That’s what that means.  The moral of this story is don’t trust a mouse–ever.  Even if they seem to care about you.       

EmJoyce is all ga-ga-ga over the DKNY cozy:

(BTW–when’s the last time #2 above enjoyed a burger?)  EmJoyce loves the cozy because you can wear it 12 different ways.  She finds the variety to be very Joyce:  one top, twelve styles.  Apparently the twelve ways look good on many shapes and sizes, too.  EmJoyce found hers at TJ Maxx for $49.99–about $130 less than the regular price.  That comes to a little over $4 for each way that the cozy can be worn.  Such a Joycebargain!  We tried one on today at TJ.  We thought it was attractive, but maybe a little too cozy.  Here’s the math:  one cozy + a hot flash or three = super cozy.  Do they make short sleeve cozies?  There’s a video (www.dkny.com) to show you how to do the 12 different ways.  We had to watch it 43 times.  Dumb and dumber try to look DK chic.  Stay tuned. 

Speaking of math, SallyJoyce asks this fashionista question:  If 60 is the new 40, then will I soon be 35 and can I wear my black leather pants again?  We like her numbers and ideas.

And to all those ladies who traded in their journey necklaces at Pawnee Man’s shop, Jukey finds it hard to believe that any Joyce worth her sparkle would say no to any bling.  Maybe if those ’traders’ had put more Joyce in their journey they might have kept the necklace as a good luck charm.

In the TJ Maxx parking lot we saw that someone had written on their left side mirror:  I love you, you’re great!  We liked the idea that every time they look into their left mirror while speeding down the road, they get a quick little pick-me-up.

We noticed that not many pairs of Bulldog’s underpants were coming through the laundry.  Maybe one or two pair per week, at best.  We had to review the basics with him again:  older age = parts begin to stink.  Must . . . change . . . underpants . . . even  . . . though . . . we . . . don’t . . . think . . . about . . . stink . . . or  . . . even . . . though . . . we may prefer stink.  We think he understands now. 

This brings us to another delicate topic.  Do you wear your panties to bed?  We do not believe in underpants and bed.  We believe that parts need to AIR OUT at night.  We think this is very important to your overall health and well-being.  Parts need air.  Parts need to breathe.  Joyce does not like to be bound, confined, or pinched.  Think about it and consider our suggestions.  Your privates will thank us.

This week we’re filled with all sorts of bits and pieces:

Yesterday we celebrated sissy-in-law’s birthday at a big breakfast with her friends.  It was a Joycely start to all things birthday.  There was a little baby sitting in a high chair at the table next to us who was being fed delicious pancake chunks dipped in syrup.  That baby wanted next to nothing to do with the pancakes or her parents, she just keep staring at us yucking it up over breakfast.  The baby had the sweet glimmer of Joyce in her eyes.  She could see that her future wasn’t in those pancakes, but in girlfriend power . . .

 

. . . and even at eight months old, it was girlfriend power that she craved.  We love the little Joyces and we welcome them to our girlfriend world of fun.

After the breakfast celebration, we did our monthly duty of serving hot lunch to the little sassies.  The sample o’ the day was brussels sprouts.  The name alone will send shivers up most people’s spines. 

We could only talk three kids out of 250 into sampling the little green balls.  We begged and pleaded, but the naughties wanted NOTHING to do with them.  We told ‘em brussels sprouts would make them prettier.  We told ‘em brussels sprouts make the school day go faster.  But the naughties defied our best sales pitch.  They made crazy, awful, contorted faces at the mere suggestion of the sprouts from brussels.  Damn naughties! 

Sheila has been skyping with her son who is away at college.  He keeps insisting that she wear one of her hats from the collection when they’re skyping.  He misses the hats and gets a lump in his throat when he “sees” Mama wearing one while skyping . . .

You can see how it would make the enitre conversation more fun, can’t you? 

We recently visited our favorite little hidden jewelry store called Dan’s L&L.  We call Dan ‘pawnee man.’  He sells lots of lovely new things and he’ll also buy gold and sterling silver that you don’t wear anymore.  We love to buy and sell jewels.  It’s another part-time job of ours.  Joyce fell in love with Pawnee Man years ago and has been faithful to him ever since.  She loves to drive out to see Pawnee and browse.  The other day we were visiting the ’pre-owned’ section (where you can find some cool deals) and we noticed that there were lots of journey necklaces that had been traded in . . .

   

. . . apparently many of the ladies who’ve been given ‘the journey’ don’t want ‘the journey.’  Screw the journey, it seems they’re saying.  There’s no joy in ‘the journey.’  We were sort of shocked that ‘the journey’ was just a flash in the jewelry fad pan.  And we were pleased with ourselves that we’d never succumbed to its charms . . .

(Let’s begin by saying that we’re grateful for your comments.  They give us ideas for all things Joyce and we appreciate any topic suggestions you care to make.  We love your stories and will happily re-tell them and offer you our witness protection plan–an alias.  You are Joyce and Joyceland is better for your stories and comments.) 

There was BIG FUN to be had watching Jerry Seinfeld do his ’schtick’ live and in person over the weekend.  He doesn’t rip on anyone’s religion or politics.  And he doesn’t drop the f-bomb, but you walk out with sore cheeks from laughing non stop.  This is a beautiful thing.  We absolutely love sore cheeks from laughing . . .

Seinfeld made us laugh so hard that we really couldn’t even remember anything he said.  (This made us feel worried about ourselves.)  We also love it when the comedian laughs just a little bit at his own jokes.  And we were tickled to learn of  friend TomJoyce’s life philosophy which is modeled after Radio Shack:  don’t just buy stuff, do stuff.  Do. Do. Do.  And have fun while you’re out doing stuff.   

We have a celeb update from K-Joyce who was recently an audience member on . . .

(BTW–this is the closest we’ll get to the publication of JoycePeople magazine–so enjoy.)  K-Joyce’s view of The View was that Whoopie wasn’t friendly at all, but Elizabeth and Sherri were very friendly.  Now, we like Whoopie, so we were disappointed to learn that she’s a little bit with the nose in the air.  Martha Stewart, one of the guests that day, was a bore and needs Joyce very muchly.  And K-Joyce said they are all quite small in person.  Even the ones who look big on the telly are small in person.  Tiny.  The lesson:  if you want to look smaller, don’t go on a diet, just get yourself on the telly.  A little insider celeb scoop like this always gets our week off to a good start. 

And by the way, we think PennyJoyce, our mail lady, stole our copy of this month’s Vanity Fair.  Here’s what we think happened:  she saw our VF while on her delivery route and thought, “This one’s goin’ in my bag.” 

Breaking news:  Joyce has joined a choir with her friend, Joyce.  Two Joyces in one choir.  God help the director.  Joyce 1 shared with us that she and Joyce 2 are finding the demands of the choir to be stressful.  She said they have to sing in four-part harmony and do some parts a capella.  Joyce 1 has long dreamed of making her debut in an adult choir.  Back in the day she had high hopes of joining The Good News Singers at church.  They were an absolutely irresistible musical group because they were filled with all the good news.  And people respond well to good news.  They were peppy, had a trumpet player and drummer, and got your toes tapping.  But, alas, the demands of boiling cod for dinner (we called it Poor Man’s Lobster) and doing Father Cooper’s laundry postponed the start of Joyce’s career in the music industry.  Stay tuned for updates on more choir fun from the Joyces.

Oh, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, bring us a little fun and excitement this week.  Pretty please.